Is This My Midlife Crisis?

I was waiting for my daughter to get out of Cello lessons at the local music shop last week when I struck up a conversation with Ben, the guy who owns the shop. I was telling him how I finally purchased records for the record player my wife got me for Christmas.

It took me so long because I didn’t just want to get the first record that came to mind. I wanted it to be something meaningful. I settled on:

1. The White Album by The Beatles

2. Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys

Good choices. As Ben said, “Probably two of the best rock albums of all time.”

We moved on to music quality, the intentionality of listening to records, and how I picked up music players for both me and Teresa.

Then he said something unexpected: As far as midlife crises go, this is a pretty good one.

It never occurred to me that this might be my midlife crisis…but at 40, it’s pretty well timed.

What is a Midlife Crisis?

First I want to talk about what a midlife crisis is, with the heavy caveats that:

1. I am not a psychologist.

2. My research on this was effectively stating a premise (that midlife crises aren’t always bad), and then using Google Gemini in Deep Research mode to surface primary sources to either support or reject that premise.

I won’t give you the history lesson, but it was coined by Psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in the 1960s, and it’s had a largely negative connotation. Terms like depression, melancholia, stress, and contemplation of mortality have all been associated with midlife crisis.

From Psychology Today:

[M]idlife crisis most often occurs due to unresolved issues from the past and/or the urge to act on an impulse that has been dormant. If someone has low self-esteem or a need to compete with those they feel are living a more desirable life, that may also increase the tendency to engage in midlife-crisis behaviors.

But it’s gotta be more than the stereotypical upending of life we see right? Not everyone buys a sports car and blows up their marriage, right?

Right?

Turns out, that is right.

A More Positive Spin on Midlife Crisis

Crisis, at least in some circles, has been labeled a bit of a misnomer — and maybe even flat out wrong:

Depending on your circumstances and outlook, it can be a stressful and confusing time. But midlife can also be a time of growth, stability, and joy.

Indeed, a lot of what I read focused on shifting mental models of aging, and introspection. It’s true that my generation, Millennials, are “launching” later, and similarly becoming the sandwich generation¹ later.

But something I read from an academic paper called Midlife in the 2020s: Opportunities and Challenges really stood out to me:

Middle-aged adults often play a crucial role in bringing together and nurturing family members and mentoring co-workers. The central position in the life course is captured by balancing gains and losses associated with the aging process, linking earlier and later periods of life, and bridging generations.

I’m in this position now. My kids are getting older. I’m involved in their school in a way that gives me some influence. And I’m helping business owners take more time off through coaching and consulting.

I see this as a strong opportunity to find purpose in mid-life — a time in your life where experience and wisdom is combined with enough energy and spryness to really make a difference.

But what does all of this have to do with me listening to records?

Strong Nostalgia and the Comeback of Physical Media

Nostalgia is another one of those terms that has often been given a negative connotation. It can be associated with longing for times gone by — “better” times — where things felt more in your control.

But it doesn’t have to be:

…reconstructing symbolic social bonds in an idealized timespace is not merely a retreat from reality but rather a positive search for meaning.

I’m finding that meaning through physical media. In a world of instant gratification, it’s easy to not take time to appreciate the craft of something. It’s easy to move on to the next thing.

The first second of this video doesn’t grab you? Swipe up. Don’t like this movie? Pick the next one. Not interested in this song? Next, next, next.

Physical media — especially records — doesn’t give you that luxury. You have to disconnect and set time aside to enjoy a record. It helps me take in the real world and enjoy the time and effort people put into their craft.

And I’m not the only one who’s been thinking about this. Gen-Z is longing to disconnect. Cal Newport has been talking about digital minimalism for years.

I recently saw a piece on Good Morning America about consumers buying more VHS tapes and DVDs. Record purchases are up too. I’m part of that growing population now.

If this is my midlife crisis, I’ll take it. It looks a lot more like bringing together family members, and mentoring the younger generation than upending my life.

If I can get my kids to appreciate the act of listening to music, and not just having it on in the background, it’s a huge win.

Some might say I’m just looking at this through rose-colored glasses. That I’m making a bigger deal of it than it is. But I don’t think I am; and I agree with Ben.

If physical media and digital detox is my “midlife crisis,” it’s definitely a good one to have.

1. The age in which you are taking care of small kids and aging parents.